Review - No One Lives

On DVD and BLU RAY - "No One Lives" - I checked this out because of star Luke Evan's (Immortals, Tamara Drewe, Fast & Furious 6) involvement and an interesting premise; a small group of murderous thieves unwittingly provoke a showdown with a brilliant psychopath. Hoping for at least a guilty pleasure, what I found was a DTV release that starts out promisingly enough only to steadily devolve into a series of absurd events and uninspired gore shots.  Think The Hitcher (the lousy 1997 remake, not the 1986 original) meets the Saw franchise.  The "From The Director Of The Midnight Meat Train..." disclaimer should have been my first clue...

Luke Evans (my pick for the next Actor to portray James Bond after Daniel Craig turns in his license to kill) doesn't do his career any favors with this garbage, though the Welsh actor will undoubtedly land on his feet with a significant role in the next two installments of The Hobbit (2013's The Desolation of Smaug and 2014's There And Back Again) and the titular turns in 2014's Dracula and the upcoming remake of The Crow.  He has presence to spare, but his performance here as the philosophical slasher is decidedly one note.

Lee Tergesen (HBO's Oz) plays the head honcho of a band of marauders who steal a vehicle belonging to Evans character.  Little does the group know that, tucked away in the vehicle's trunk, is the lone survivor of a recent mass killing at a collegiate shindig.  Recognizing the bound and gagged female as the missing daughter of a wealthy couple advertising a reward for her return, the outlaws prematurely plan to use her as ransom.  Everything goes out the window when the big bad wolf comes calling...

Adelaide Clemens (Silent Hill: Revelation 3D), portraying the object of our main villain's obsession, bears more than a passing resemblance to actress Michelle Williams.  Methinks Williams's job is safe, as Clemens is shaky, at best.

Derek Magyar (Phantom) is the unruly upstart with designs on being the criminal outfit's ramrod. Other gang members include; the very sexy America Olivo (Friday The 13th 2009), a greasy-haired twig in Beau Knapp (Super 8), the brown-eyed, button-nosed Lindsey Shaw (ABC's Pretty Little Liars) and 6 foot 7 inch tall George Murdoch, better known as "Brodus Clay" in the WWE.  Hmmm, such a large fellow's torso might provide a convenient hiding place for one so inclined... then again, why? 

Laura Ramsey (The Ruins) has an early, listless turn as a previous obsession of our killer's, while Southern twanged character actor Gary Grubbs (Ray) has a couple of scenes as an ill-fated motel proprietor

One constant with each coming year is a slew of bad horror films- do yourself a favor and avoid this one at all costs. The characters are stupid, the logic is ridiculously awful and the kills are about as lame as one will find in a serious-minded horror film- I could only roll my eyes and shake my head with seeing one unlucky victim having their throat cut with the dull end of a clipboard. Congratulations, you poor soul; you just won the yearly award for shittiest kill in a horror film...

2.0 out of 10