Review - The Legend Of Hercules (2014)

At the Theater - "The Legend Of Hercules" (2014) - This is the first of two cinematic releases featuring the muscle-bound Greek demi-god to be unleashed upon audiences in 2014- it's also an early frontrunner for worst film of the year.  Clumsily Directed and largely miscast, this flick is filled with shallow characters, stilted dialogue, tired action sequences and poor effects work.  It's nothing more than a quick, soulless, paint-by-numbers affair aiming to build audience recognition for it's budding young star.  Every year, there are two or three movies that I see in theaters that I flirt with abandoning early on- this is the first in quite some time that had me squirming in my seat out of shear embarrassment. 

Kellan Lutz (The Twilight Saga), appropriately fit but still under-sized, displays very little presence or charisma to speak of in the titular role- then again, it's hard to work in a vacuum. Yes, Lutz possesses more range than the late Steve Reeves (Hercules 1958), though I believe Reeves could have wiped the floor with this kid in his prime... hell, maybe even in his later years. To be fair, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Lou Ferrigno both starred in amazingly bad Hercules films of their own early in their careers (Hercules in New York 1969 & Hercules 1983, respectively) so Lutz could easily rebound.  Audiences will see him next in August 2014's Expendables 3- maybe a few of his co-stars in that film can pass on some pointers...

Martial arts expert Scott Adkins (The Expendables 2) supplies the hateful "King Amphitryon"- the 38 year old actor is about a decade too young for the role and though he has star qualities which have largely gone unnoticed, most will tire of his incessant screaming here.

French model turned actress Gaia Weiss portrays Herc's love interest, "Princess Hebe", while Liam McIntyre (Starz' Spartacus: War Of The Damned) provides fleeting support as his comrade in arms, "Captain Sotiris". McIntyre is slowly but surely improving as an actor and one must wonder if he's primed for his own breakthrough, of sorts...

A woefully miscast Liam Garrigan (Cinemax's Strike Back) portrays Herc's jealous brother, "Iphicles", with Roxanne McKee (HBO's Game Of Thrones) solid as Hercules' mortal mother, "Queen Alcmene".  Oh, don't expect any appearances from our hero's father, "Zeus"...

Johnathon Schaech (That Thing You Do!) pops up a few times sporting cornrows as a Persian warlord, while a couple theater patrons laughed out loud when a hulking gladiator, with his hair fashioned Coolio-style, entered into the mix- yes, it's unintentionally hilarious stuff.

Director Renny Harlin's no stranger to cinematic stinkers, largely responsible for such cruddy films as Cutthroat Island, Deep Blue Sea, Driven, Mindhunters, Exorcist: The Beginning, The Covenant and 12 Rounds.  Die Hard 2, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane and Cliffhanger, though flawed, guilty pleasures, would mark my favorites from the Finnish auteur.  He's lately been relegated to DTV releases (5 Days Of War, Devil's Pass) and television fare (USA's Burn Notice and Graceland), where I'm thinking he should return, post haste. The Legend of Hercules is amongst his most fumble-some and detached work- it's glaringly obvious from the onset he was out of his element.  

Four screenwriters (including Harlin and Sean Hood) deserve some credit here as well.  Events whisk past us in ridiculously rapid, bare-bones fashion- trips across vast oceans which should take months to traverse are covered in mere days.  The narrative gives very little attention to character development, with those smaller, poignant details that define worthwhile escapism in short supply.  It's humorless and completely void of any fun or palpable tension.  There are a couple of brief, sensual moments between Herc and Hebe that teen girls might appreciate, though I felt it reeked of sap.

The digital effects work here concerning the larger scaled battle scenes and period specific set pieces is on the shoddy side, while the smaller, stylized skirmishes are painfully derivative and uninspired.  Harlin seems bound and determined to completely wear out the the slow-motion "speed ramping" effect featured in previous sword and sandal action flicks like Zack Snyder's 300 (2006), Tarsem Singh's Immortals (2011) and most recently in Starz's excellent original series, Spartacus.  An early tussle between our hero and a CGI rendered lion (there is a bit of animatronics used) is embarrassingly bad stuff.  Although the film's estimated $70 million budget is relatively modest, I struggled to recognize just where the hell it all went.  I can't recall one moment, however fleeting, in which I thought to myself, "Oh, that's cool- haven't seen that before." 

Those masochists out there still willing to brave this mess should expect an unbelievably tame PG-13 affair, ridiculously cleansed of any blood. I will admit that I have very little tolerance for serious-minded films that feature epic battle scenes resulting in enormous death tolls that are curiously bloodless- it certainly isn't realistic and pushes the boundaries of integrity... 

My call is to skip this bogus, toothless turkey and wait for August 2014's Hercules, starring Dwayne Johnson- I'm not willing to bet on it being a game changer (it's Directed by Brett Frickin' Ratner, of Rush Hour fame), though it should be considerably better than what we have here...


2.5 out of 10


Director: Renny Harlin
Cast: Kellan Lutz, Gaia Weiss, Scott Adkins, Roxanne McKee, Liam Garrigan, Liam McIntyre, Johnathon Schaech, Rade Serbedzija and Kenneth Cranham
Run-Time: 99 minutes
MPAA: Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense combat action and violence, and for some sensuality